I think I just fired my therapist. She does not like me. It is very obvious in her behavior, her tone, and the things she says to me. At first I was able to brush it off and ignore her. But she didn’t respond to my email I sent yesterday. The email that said my surgery was approved. I was very excited about it. She called my mom about the med stuff and then said she would email me. I have not gotten an email from her. But I mean, it is obvious she does not like me. She can’t hide it. I truly think she’s transphobic. I’m worried about dealing with her and my recovery at the same time. I think recovery is going to be really hard if I have to deal with her. I’ve had bad post op depression twice and I just can’t deal with that and someone who is not supportive of me. I sent an email to her asking if she knew anyone who for sure works with trans and autistic people. I mentioned that it was very obvious she didn’t like me and that I couldn’t deal with it and every thing else. Like I feel sick right now about this and I only feel this certain sick when I can tell someone who should be professional is not being. I felt this way about the staff at a bad hospital, and the staff at a bad treatment center. It’s like this feeling deep in my stomach that she does not like me. I can handle coworkers and bosses not liking me. Even my cousin I don’t care about. But a therapist just shouldn’t be like this. It just makes me feel sick.

Plus I saw her give me a dirty look as I was walking into her office. And I guess that’s what’s mainly is messing with me. That she can’t even hide it or pretend.

This is my first experience with transphobia in person and why does it have to be a therapist of all people. I have had no issues with family, medical doctors, psych doctors, surgeons, ERs and hospitals since transitioning. But this is my first time dealing with someone who can’t hide it and why does it have to hurt so badly?