It takes a lot of courage to own-up to what is really going on in our lives. Thanks, Cestdidi, for doing just that, and many hugs for your healing path.

I didn't really start to formulate solid theories about why our childhood was so difficult, until I was in my mid 30's. And I wouldn't say my mother was necessarily narcissistic, either. I think these things can occur without the presence of that particular mental issue.

In my family's case, I believe now it was history repeating itself, the old nasty cycle of harshness being passed down through several generations. A child learns what they live, as the saying goes.

A few of us escape that cycle and some even succeed in breaking it. I never had any children of my own, so I'll never know how I would have been as a parent. But I do intend to carry on working on myself for the foreseeable, as there are so many aspects of my psyche that this situation has affected.

One thing I did know at a very young age---That I would never, under any circumstances, talk to child the way my parents did, so discourteously and hypocritically rude and dismissive. It was just one weapon of theirs, and it had lasting effects, you bet. I am still that way, today. I do not believe children should be overlooked or mistreated in any way. It is too painful an existence for them. Their shoulders are too small to carry that kind of weight. They don't possess the experience or perspective to help them through it.

Massive, understanding hugs to you all.