Hey T,

Thank you for that picture you sent with your thanks for my email, I know I haven't replied and that is just because I don't really know what to say.
I'm not sure what I think about this new T either. The modality she works with sounds just right for me, and she had the most gentle of voice when she left a voicemail on my phone, but I clearly do have an issue with the fact that she said she would not reply to emails.
I am trying to think what you would say, and I think you would say that I should just go, and see what happens. I know, I may not feel like I need that additional contact with her after all. I guess there is a part of me wanting to recreate what we had, because it was so special, so magical and so healing for me. Who wouldn't want to feel loved, cared for, special, comforted, nurtured, taught, safe etc. Who wouldn't want to feel those things, especially when it was so recent and the memories so fresh.
But I also know that I needed that back then. I needed that so badly, and you were there for me. I am in a different place now, and maybe, maybe I need something else right now. I think you would say that to me. I'm nervous, T, worried, sceptical, fearful, but also a little curious, excited and hopeful at the same time.

She asked me if I would feel able to give her consent to talk to you, to try and find some clarity for me on what happened here, why it was so abrupt, but the thing is I don't think that would be a good thing to do. I don't know. It just feels like there is so much ground to cover with her here. It took us years to get to a place where I actually felt like you knew me, understood me. I am concerned about starting all over again with this. I know I don't necessarily need to tell her everything, but I also do think I need to, want to.

I guess there is always Temp T if things here don't work out.

Gosh, I'm really nervous I think.