I had a Zoom appointment with my individual IOP T yesterday. I was feeling numb and underneath the numb I was panicky. I had a panic attack like five minutes before session.


We worked on acceptance and change. We talked about my core belief that I am less than because of my speech impediment. So she said to write I have a speech impediment but that doesn't make me less than in any way. I also had to write that my core belief was that my speech impediment made me less than and I had to tear up the paper. I don't know if it will change my core belief but I guess it was a good exercise to do.

We talked about something to do instead of self harm. One thing I do sometimes is I will wrap my arm up in an ace bandage because it kind of helps. Well I usually have my Dad do it. But she said she wants me to do it because it gives me more control, as well as the comfort that I am looking for.

I could only come up with one way that it gave me more control:
How Tight the wrap is.

She came up with the rest
How thick it is
When it happens
Who knows about it
Who sees it
What you're using to wrap with
How long it stays on
Where you put it
Whether or not you do it
Choose who you tell

Then we went over the serenity prayer. She wants me to think about the differences and connections between control and the serenity prayer which I have to admit I am drawing a blank on.
We are working on increasing tolerance.

Tolerating that life is mostly imperfect.
And to take things one day at a time.