Oh Cool,
That hit home big time for me. I lost my kitty Coal very unexpectedly on Saturday and am just a wreck. My house is a disaster and I have tried talking to T about it but he is a neat freak. He doesn’t understand how his fear that the vacuum line in his carpet aren’t 100% straight and parallel to the baseboards makes it impossible to overcome my shame about my house enough to talk to him. Reading your post I am wondering if some of the chaos in my house isn’t from my relationship with my mother.
I am sorry you are going through this and I REALLY hope you get to see your T in person soon.