I can certainly see why it’s still such a big issue for you. It’s natural that you’d still want people to connect with on that deep, intimate and caring sort of level, and with your upbringing, not feel like you’re able to find it, because it wasn’t being given by your family. Some people just shouldn’t be parents, really.
Is seeing a therapist something you’d be open to, if you’re not already?
You might find the books The Body Keeps the Score, Running On Empty and What’s Love Got to Do With It? useful.