Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
Summer, I agree that you at least need to tell your pdoc that you're still having symptoms of mania. You don't have to tell them about having sex with another patient in the hospital. But I think you should tell them about what you did at your therapist's. Or at the very least, say that you're having sexual impulses and having difficulty in controlling them.
It's good your T held the boundary I guess?...but I think he also should have insisted you talk to pdoc and/or possibly go to the hospital. I'm not saying that to judge you, but you aren't in a safe state of mind.
I also worry about how you felt with him rejecting you in that situation. As I imagine that was very painful, especially with his sending you such mixed signals. Are you OK right now? Are you safe? Please check in when you can.
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I see my pdoc on tues so I’ll tell her everything (minus the inpatient sex) then if I can wait. I tried to go back to work tonight, but my mind is so crazy I could barely pull it off. I think I might need to take a leave of absence for the sake of my clients snd giving them adequate care. I hate to admit that but it’s the right thing to do.
Today I feel like I might be at the crashing part towards the end of mania—my mind is still racing and impulsive, but I’m also really suicidal and depressed and sleeping a ton with zero motivation. This is the worst part. I feel so humiliated about what happened with my therapist, both because I should’ve known better not to push him that far, and also because I’ve never been rejected and it feels like ****. I’m so confused and idk why I actually thought he’d go for the bj after all the things he’d told me, but I should have known he wouldn’t since he’s always said we won’t have sex. I’m worried he thought what he saw was ugly but at the same time I saw he was hard and he was like “I’m sure it would feel good.” I think I also kind of wanted to test if he’s really in the wrong or just me and I proved to myself it’s just me. I feel so hopeless and I just wanna die. He breaks boundaries every other time, and now that he held to them it hurts even though I guess this is what should’ve been happening all along. Idk if I make any sense at all, I feel like I’m going crazy.
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