Hi everyone. I have nobody in my life that I can tell my story to, and I am not even sure if I can articulate it properly here but I feel so incredibly alone and isolated that I thought feedback from someone else might be comforting. My marriage is destroyed, and it is my fault. A few years ago we were faced with the prospect of a change that my husband wanted and I strongly did not. I didn’t want to say no outright to the change, I tried to be understanding and open to the idea, but the very existence of the idea hurt me profoundly and sent me into a depression. The best way I can describe it is like there are two people living inside me, one logical that wanted to be reasonable, and an emotional one that was lost in depression and fear of change, and I was at war with myself.

I eventually pulled myself out of the pit that I’d fallen into and started to resolve my conflict and understand my husband’s point of view, but it was too late. By this point he had poured a tremendous effort into comforting and reassuring me that I had nothing to fear from the change and that he loved me no matter what. Except I had become a source of stress on him and a drain, I had caused him pain and depression. His work and other aspects of his life suffered because of this. I couldn’t see the toll my depression was taking on him.

Now it is too late. He is depressed, he doesn’t love me anymore. I have destroyed his feelings for me. I have destroyed both of our lives because of my initial fear. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to forgive myself. I don’t know how to move forward. My husband is my whole world and life, I don’t want to go through this world without him…. If you have made it through this very long-winded post, thank you for reading my story. If nothing else, I am glad to at least share my thoughts with another human being.