Need advice | I am the wife of a wonderful husband who has bipolar 2, ADHD, depression, and PTSD

My husband and I met when we were 17 and have been together for 11 years (married 3 years). He is my best friend, the love of my life, and my soulmate. Being together for over a decade, we have been through our fair share of life-changing events. My husbands Father died of brain cancer when we were 21 and then not even a year later my husband found his older brother dead two days before thanksgiving. His brothers death was a surprise nightmare. He had diabetes, but did not know and died alone from ketoacodosis. These events would change and effect anyone, but my husband is also diagnosed with Bipolar 2, ADHD, depression, and PTSD.

I am no newby to mental health. I have GAD, depression, and minor OCD. I also have an older sister who has Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar, and recovering from a long eating disorder. My childhood was spent visiting her in mental institutions and hospitals. She once tried to end her life in front of me when I was 16. She is doing well now and we are very close, but she has taught me a lot about mental illness and mental health.

So when I met my husband 11 years ago and fell inlove with him and learned more about him, I was not pushed away or scared. Yes, I know mental illness is serious, but I am a strong believer in the thought process that anyone diagnosed with a mental illness DID NOT CHOOSE THIS! I always, always ground myself with that prospective when I find myself getting frustrated. But lets face it, when you are a wife to a husband who has bipolar 2, it is not easy by any means.

Recently, my husband was hit with an extreme depressive episode. He has been out of work going on over 3 weeks now. He works a very physical job in maintenance/hvac and the job was wearing him down a lot. Then all of a sudden he just shut down. Crying at night, not sleeping for days at a time, then sleeping days a time, VERY mean to me, always on his phone looking up every single little thing, not shaving or caring about anything at all really. We talked as soon as I realized something was going on and he basically told me that he is so depressed that he does not and can not do anything, I could see in his eyes it was serious and as the days went on where he continued to call out of work, I knew it was an episode he was going through.

He was able to get some time off work and that is what he says he needs, "time". His psyc has adjusted his meds ( prozac, lamictal, a benzo, and adderall). I think he is started to feel a bit better, but we will see as the next few weeks go on.

So..... the other night my husband said some hurtful things relating to not being able to talk to me about things. This resulted in us getting into a long convo where we talked about these "things". We have been trying to get pregnant for the past 2 years. In November 2021 we did get pregnant, but sadly we lost our baby a few months later and it was one of the hardest things I have ever been through. My dream since I can remember is to have a family and be a mother and my husband has known this since the day he met me. Well turns out the "things" he cant talk to me about is that he doesn't know if he wants kids now. When those words came out of his mouth, my entire body went numb. He said things like - "did you know I can pass my mental illness to our child" , "what if I have another episode like this when we have a baby, what then" "what if I can't keep a job in the "future". ALL things I knew when I married this man. He had no job when we got married and I have always been the sole bread winner, but I married him because I am inlove with him and he is the best person I have ever known. But after he said hes not sure he wants kids.. I am angry. I feel tricked. He knows how hard this miscarriage was on me and how badly I want us to have a baby as we are getting older. I know it is great that he is opening up and telling me his fears, and yes I do appreciate that so much. But, if he actually decides he does not want to have a family with me, I do not know what I am going to do. I don't want to be with anyone else, I want to grow old with my husband.

Please... I need advice from anyone who has been in a situation like this or has sound advice.