I'm so sorry to hear you are suffering. You've been through the ringer these past few weeks for sure. I have issues with panic and anxiety myself and I tend to pace and talk to myself and it gives me some comfort. Journaling is often a hit-or-miss for me in terms of quelling emotions. I know it's not much consolation , but I definitely know how suffering the way you have been affects the body, health, relationships -- every aspect of your life. I am truly sorry and hope you find reprieve.