You are taking A LOT of responsibility over something (i.e. a marriage) that is the responsibility of TWO people.

I don't know what that 'prospect of change' entails (and I am not asking) BUT seeing the idea of this change hurt you, I am confused.

You say you caused him pain by saying 'no' to whatever it is. Yet, saying 'yes' would have caused YOU pain. How is the idea of sacrificing yourself to do something your husband wanted to do - but that, in your words, would ultimately hurt you, be the best choice and/or would have saved the marriage?? Working something out in a marriage is not about one partner suffering or sacrificing themselves for the other. IF two people want different things, compromise rather than sacrifice is the way to go. Or parting ways.

The sole responsibility of the marriage does not rest on your shoulders. Your husband holds equal responsibility. Likewise, you are also NOT responsible for anyone else's feelings. Your husband is responsible for his own feelings.

IF he only has love for you when you always go along with what he wants, this is not a healthy marriage. Is that even love? Doesn't sound like it. It sounds more like him holding you hostage to his needs, wants or desires.