So I have been taking classes and this weekend there was a two-day workshop that was really personally intense for me. When the instructor asked us to share our feedback after a breakout room activity, I spoke for about 10-15 minutes like everyone else did. My classmate laughed at me, and when I said, "hey that's not nice," she deflected.

Then tonight, she found me on Facebook and Google called me to accuse me of monopolizing the class time. She said I acted like the workshop was all about me (her projecting on to me, I think) because I am more outgoing and outspoken than she is.

When I tried to diffuse her by thanking her for her feedback and stating that I would try not to "monopolize" future classes or workshops we both attend, she accused me of not listening and then hung up Google chat on me (super passive aggressive move, I thought). She didn't even listen to me, when I asked her to hear my side of the story (she wasn't interested in giving me the same courtesy that I gave her by listening to her rant at me before I responded).

After I read her passive-aggressive message on Facebook, I forwarded her message to our co-instructors who have Facebook profiles (that's where we both learned about these classes and workshops). I asked the co-instructors for advice and feedback, after I gave them context of the acrimonious conversation between my classmate and I, tonight.

The boundaries I put up with the classmate were, "I will listen to you, respect your feelings even if I disagree with you, and I would like you to hear my side of the story now." But she didn't respect my boundaries by accusing me of not listening to her.

Wrong, I did and I repeated what she said to check for understanding, word-for-word, then asked, "Is this what you meant?" To which she yelled, "No! You're just not listening!" So I paused, tried again, and got the same response, which is why I think she was projectile vomiting her trauma on to me, rather than calling me out of the blue to have a calm discussion about her perceived miscommunication from me during our 2-day workshop.

If I was wrong, I can admit it (begrudgingly sometimes, but I will apologize when I am wrong: I won't apologize just to placate the other person though b/c that is a codependent response).

Of course, I suspect she will play herself up to be the victim to our co-instructors, who were both there when this all happened. I think this is a case of two people who have opposite personalities and very different communication styles.

I don't like it when people rant at me, and when I respond with healthy boundaries. And if they still rant at me b/c they aren't really communicating to understand or resolve conflict, then I end the conversation. But the way she hung up on me was not her way of setting health boundaries. It felt like the tactic that a manipulator uses, to try to undermine my self-confidence or make me doubt myself about having health boundaries.

I could use others' perspectives here. How do you deal with difficult people? Do you think I responded incorrectly to her behavior? If you think so, what do you recommend I do in the future with a difficult person like her - who just wants to rant and rave, but not actually communicate for clarity and resolve miscommunication, that is perceived or real?

If you were an instructor who has two students in conflict, how would you diffuse it before the next class?