I experience a lot of chaos in my head during episodes, and that’s the thing, it’s mostly happening in my head and affecting my productivity to the point where I can no longer be awake without talking to myself aloud and not being able to concentrate.

I get extremely self aware during episodes too because I know I’m acting weird.

Then *poof* the antidepressants kick in and the mood stabilisers kick in and my brain starts working again and I have a say in how I think and act, my disorder isn’t making that choice for me. I’m still anxiously quirky but it’s not manically Gollum.

It’s all very Gollum from lord of the rings and distressing .