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Alatea
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Member Since: Feb 2020
Location: InMyHead
Posts: 61
3 yr Member
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Default Oct 06, 2021 at 12:50 PM
 
Hi everyone! I feel stupid to rant, as I am not in such a terrible state that I was in last year...but...

I am afraid that my professional part took over, and keeps distracting all other needs or wishes by maintaining a tight work schedule.

I saw my mother in the street and hid from her. For two months after that, I was shaking internally day and night, to the point of not being able to stand it any longer. I took something to calm me down, but it didn’t work, until I tried to talk internally. I also used a really powerful image of a ray of light, and I turned it in my imagination into a glass-like waterfall, that washed right through me, and the shakings were gone.

There were other things too, the abuser who calls himself my father sent me a FB request, again.

The next door neighbour, after I asked her to mind the house regulations, insulted my way of life in every possible sense, calling me mentally ill, childless, friendless, family-less, jobless, reclusive, isolated and selfish. She also called me autistic, as that is apparently an insult in her mind. I never had an opportunity to hear such things about me from someone who apparently hates me, it seemed so irrational to be insulted on the basis of being discrete. I first thought nothing of it, but I think it influenced me on some level that I am not able to translate to feelings yet.

After that, I heard that my mother went to see my husband’s parents, whom he doesn’t talk to either, as they were as abusive as mine. I know it should not bother me, but I keep seeing such acts of agression as a continuation of the abuse I already suffered.
Grr.

Thank you for letting me rant...
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