T,

I thought that I had gotten the closure that I needed to move on with my life. The guilt, the anger, the fear - everything that happened during the years that I was seeing u. Going to a residential treatment facility, being yanked away from u when I needed u (not by choice), having u retire before I could come back and share with u the woman I've become. We had our problems, but there was this thought in the back of my mind that I would someday come by and see you - maybe with my kids, maybe introduce u to a significant other. I feel like I worked so hard to get where I am now and u were a piece of that journey. and now - I'm seeing a new therapist. after years, I decided to do therapy again. and she's wanting to revisit everything about u, and about us. I'm realizing that there were so many wounds that have never fully healed.

remembering everything I went through with u .... it's bringing up things inside that I thought I had moved past. I'm terrified that I'm revisiting what equates to old trauma, and this go around, I'm all by myself.