Little Paul’s kinda close to the front, and Clara’s been watching me lately. She’s like a nurse in that she’s very caring. No idea where cayla and the rest are.

I want to make an appointment with primary care dr for blood test just to see if all my symptoms are from cancer but I won’t because then they’ll want to treat me with chemotherapy.

I want to ask T on Monday if it’s ok & normal to not want to live. I haven’t wanted to in the last decade. Can’t even imagine what it must feel like to want to live. Must feel amazing.