We got Dennys tonight. I got the sirloin steak but I was mainly looking forward to the bread. But it didn’t come with bread. That Dennys sucks. They are always getting stuff wrong. But I did eat the vegetables but now I am super low on calories but too full to eat anything else because of all the protein I had.

I just now took a Tylenol. My incisions are bothering me. The internal pain is fine.

I am going to have to take all my Geodon at one time. I really shouldn’t be doing that. I should at least take the 20 a couple hours before the 160. I often do that. Today I was just distracted by what was going on. But the 20 a couple hours ago could have helped me a lot. I also took a melatonin and a 4th Valium. So my med management and food situation was not good today. But things didn’t start getting bad until after 1. Most of the day was ok.

I did listen to a super disturbing podcast that I’m trying not think about. I’ve had 2 nightmares this week and what I listened to could really do me in. I had a night terror in 2019 and it was almost like I fell and hit my head or something because I was not right mental health wise for a few weeks immediately after that incident. I had just gotten over ceullitis and my sad was starting so my Pdoc had to bring my mom in and explain to her that things could get really tough for me because of the infection and the night terror and the seasonal stuff and he wasn’t wrong.

My mom just said everything I’m feeling is probably post op stuff. I asked her if post op scared was a thing and she said that the surgery just probably made my moods iffy. Which could explain why I felt so rejected by my sister when I usually just brush her behavior off.

I don’t know. I feel kinda paranoid now about that podcast right now. And I’m antsy and unable to sit still. I may legit need a 5th Valium or I’ll end up IP. I did take my Geodons.

Edit: I took a 5th Valium and I used some of my sleep lotion. I feel slightly better anxiety wise because the lotion works fast. But I’m still twitchy and fidgety. I need to do some breathing or something. Or listen to my self help podcast. My pain is still there and I can’t get my sweatpants to stay below the incisions unless I actually pull them down a lot.

I decided to get my weekly shot tonight. I just thought it would make me feel better. I get it at night because I can sometimes get really hungry if I get it in the morning. The Tylenol is making me nauseated again. Although the Tylenol isn’t doing too much for my pain. I just got out of bed and got a type of pain I haven’t gotten in a couple days and I had a slight spasm while using the bathroom. I probably should have taken 2 Tylenol but it just screws with my stomach too much. But I basically black out with opiates. Most of this week is blank for me. I can’t remember much of anything that went on.