Dear 'New' T,

I am sorry I can't answer your questions about suicidal ideation and psychiatric history and substance abuse. Won't answer your questions. Sorry but not sorry. Not sorry because like I said, I will not allow myself to feel forced into something, and I'm clearly not ready to talk to you or even write to you about that stuff either. Those words just roll of your tongue, as if you have no idea what the thoughts might bring up for me.

Neither will I allow myself to feel pressured to staying somewhere where I don't feel comfortable, so I won't be contracting in to anything.

I hope that's ok with you. That should be ok with you, surely. Surely you can see why neither of those things are things I should be feeling/experiencing.

I hope you can understand a little more when I show you my picture of a lion guarding the gate into the blackness. Not even I am allowed in there sometimes, you know.

See you tomorrow, and hopefully we can find a way to work together to see if this will work. I'm still very unsure.