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rdgrad15
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rdgrad15 Keep striving to be happy and maintain a positive mental attitude! :)
 
Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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Default Oct 10, 2021 at 09:04 AM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by jesyka View Post
Hi everyone. Some of my friends are ignoring me for no apparent reason. Last week I asked two of them in a group chat if they'd like to go out. Only one replied and said the place I chose was nice. The other one ignored me. Today I invited them both out again and the other lady replied to me this time and said yes but she couldn't talk now and she wasn't interested in the place I mentioned last week.

She said she'd get back to me tonight and I still haven't heard from her and it's almost 8 now. I feel like she's blowing me off. Should I say anything to these friends? If so, how should I state things so that I don't come across and being needy, desperate, or anything negative like that?

Why couldn't she have told me that last week? Weird! I saw them last month in n person and things seemed fine but one of them was a lot more interested in talking to the other lady than me. I was hurt.

That usually happens to be the case and they both never ever want to hang out with me one on one unless no one else is available to go out with. I was told by someone I used to know that it's a lot easier to ignore certain people who are "negative' in groups. They never invite me to hang out with them one on one aside from one time for my birthday last year. When I tired to invite them out one on one, they asked if the other women could come too.

I didn't do anything wrong, but maybe they both didn't want to hear me talk about this former friend again. I kept things brief. I asked them for advice on my marriage and they gave it to me. Maybe they don't care about my problems and are avoiding me because I'm not always fun to be around? They complain about things too like work and one of them complains about her husband as well.

We've known each other for 3-4 years. One lady used to send us lots of jokes in the group chat and even though I asked for more jokes, she didn't send any. It's weird. Another lady in our group moved away and I asked her if it's typical or not to not hear back from one of them. She said no.

Last time I saw them one of them asked me if I found a job which was odd since I did tell them I'm planning to apply for disability. I wonder if they look down on me now and see me as being lazy. They both work f/t. They're aware that I have depression and anxiety issues.

As for the friend I called, I told her not to say anything, but now that was probably a mistake and who knows if she might or not even though it's not likely.

Why do you think that they're ignoring me? Are they maybe doing a slow fade to not hurt my feelings?
I'm sorry you're going through this. I know what it's like to have friends suddenly start to distance themselves from you. It's worse when they suddenly go cold turkey immediately without reason or warning. If you were too negative all the time then that could be part of the reason but still no excuse for them to treat you that way. They could easily politely ask you to not be as negative if that bothers them and they are clearly complaining as well so they're being hypocrites.

It honestly sounds like they don't see you as a close friend especially since you mentioned one of them always seems more interested in the other friend than you. It sounds like it could also be an unfortunate case where they may just simply not feel as close to you as you thought they did or as close as you feel towards them. It hurts, it really does and I've had this happen to me many many times. It's happened so many times that I actually expect people to do this to me and don't really get close to others now.

I don't think you did anything particularly wrong. If they complain then they shouldn't be getting annoyed with you complaining as long as it's not done constantly 24/7 since that can be draining. Although if they are doing that, then perhaps you could tell them that they complain too so you didn't see a problem in sharing how you are feeling. The fact that they know you are depressed and anxious makes their behavior even more rude since they know how much that would affect you. It would be better if they were honest rather than giving you the silent treatment.

If they claim they're too busy, that's their way of just trying to avoid hanging out and talking to you. Yes everyone is busy, but in the age of technology at your fingertips, there's absolutely no excuse why they can't send a brief message. People even use their phones at work during breaks or brief moments of downtime. No one is busy 24/7 so they should be able to text or call you back. It sounds like they are making the conscious choice to slowly end the friendship. I hope you are able to make new friends and I know that can be hard. I'm always here if you want to talk or message me.
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