Life has been so hard for you. It is heartbreaking when life seem good to some and unkind to others. I am very weak mentally speaking and have been in a mental hospital for situations that are not nearly as stressful and unhappy as the ones you mention. You must be a much stronger person than I am. Being all alone with pain is perhaps one of the worst forms of agony. Wish I knew what to say to help but I am not in a good place. Often I don't know what to say to people who are suffering. Sometimes you want to say something, heart speaking to heart but not only won't the words comes, but even the ideas seem unreachable. A long time I ago I read a book by a famous psychiatrist. He said that what most people need most is just a good friend. I think there is truth in that.