Bunty, reading your story makes my heart go out to you. I was much the same way with my wife during the divorce; wanting to still be close and have that sense of comfort. From my perspective, you are seeking that comfort from the idea of your husband, not necessarily your husband himself. That person you imagined he was isn't who he really is; you may be seeking the idea of him. The reality is, that person doesn't exist - the most important person now is you. I know you had said you don't have the means to leave but that should not leave you beholden to him. I think the first steps would be to get yourself stabilized - no drastic lows - and put together a plan of how to extradite yourself from the situation in the safest way possible (economically, I mean). It may take a while, and you'll have to deal with someone being cold, but ultimately you don't want to stay in that situation nor do you want to put yourself at risk by rushing it for the sake of getting away. All too often in these situations we can be blinded by merely the fact of being in the middle of it; a forest for the trees situation. The good thing about this is that others who are removed from the situation may be able to break it down into simpler, smaller parts that can be accomplished sequentially. My main message would be to set a goal, whether that goal is to move away or whichever you come up with, but it should be with the aim to free you of this relationship and to set you on a path for a better, happier time. Then you might try working backwards - if my goal is to be on my own with a stable platform to recover, what comes before that? What comes before that? Walk it all the way back to where you are now and it might lay out a path of reasonable steps to follow back to that goal. I wish you the utter best of luck and am terribly sorry you find yourself in this position.