I just needed to tell someone, anyone. I feel so numb. Dead. Breathing but not alive. I’m doing grounding skills. Taking hot showers where I listen to water hitting back of my ears helps. It’s like I’m on autopilot. I do things but by end of day I don’t recall all of the day’s events. It’s confusing. Like driving home from school but I don’t recall all of the trip -except it’s all day. This is how my self-harm started. Have I ever told you that? It wasn’t an upset, crying teen with no other way to lash out. That did happen some, but it started by feeling numb. I’d feel so dead. Breathing but not alive. Then when I’d cut I could see red and feel warmth and come back. I haven’t self-harmed. I haven’t felt the need to because I’m trying to stay present. It’s getting hard to stay alert. To stay “here.” Is this normal?

I’ve journaled but needed to try to express it to someone who might get it.