the unthinkable has just happened! and my gut reaction is, s.o.b. !!!

but i find that there is some anger. i'm not usually the one who dwells on the 'why' part of things happening. but there are times when enough s**t is enough s**t! so why does this s**t have to keep happening to me -> hence the anger!!!

at the same time, i'm also just completely and utterly devastated! i'm in a 'place' right now where no one should ever be. i just ............