I hope your CPN calls soon, or has already this morning, Miss Laura. You absolutely need support! And I think it would be highly beneficial, if possible, to get grief counseling. I didn't right away after my mother died either. I got to the point where I demanded it while at the hospital. Luckily they came up with a group after my request. There was a younger woman who lost someone dear to her and a middle-aged woman who lost her teenage daughter who also participated. I couldn't help but wonder if I hadn't pressed for this counseling if none of us would have received it. Maybe consider asking for one.