I don't believe we attract abusers, it is just that there are so many out there. If we grew up abused (as I did), we tend to accept abuse, because it is what we are familiar with. I married someone like my mother (abuser), but finally got the courage to divorce him after 31 years...... The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans saved my life. I didn't understand the dynamics of abuse etc., but I did research and when I understood why I accepted that behavior, I was free to make good decisions.....knowledge is power!