Thread: Why?
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WovenGalaxy
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Default Oct 13, 2021 at 09:31 PM
 
I'm taking a class about my local government. I inadvertently found out tonight that the girlfriend of my supervisor where I volunteer, she's in this class too. I had a really nice convo w her at the beginning of class today. Then it clicked. Its his gf. The thing is, he hasn't even told me that he has a gf let alone that she is in the class. And this is relevant bc I've talked to him about being in this class. He's even asked me how the class is going. Not once has he mentioned her.

He does have a gf, btw. Its an irrelevant question how I know. But I pay attention, is all. I know her name, I have heard other ppl mention her and I've heard him mention his gf.

I am wondering if he is maybe just really private. But I take this personally. We've had some good convos over the years. But its entirely possible that he doesn't want to let me in. That hurts. A lot. But that's life I guess.

I just think its odd and strange of him to ask me about the class w/o bringing her up. That gets into the realm of lying. I wonder why he behaves like that?

To be honest, I'd sort of put him on a pedestal, but he's behaved in hurtful ways before too. Minor things. Oblivious / insensitive things. But yeah.

I thought I might have feelings for him. I probably do. God knows why. But a couple months ago, he invited me to look at his apt he's renting. I was considering renting it. In the end, I decided its not a good idea to rent from someone I may have feelings for. But I've never ever told him my feelings. I never would. When I turned him down for his apt, I was a bit blunt in text. I've never been able to get myself to address it / apologize.

Anyway, I don't know why he's so private. It hurts. But maybe I should also not focus on him. I wish we were friends, but we aren't.

I can't change or control other people. I can only control what I do. I really would like to...evict him from my head. Not stop by his office anymore when I volunteer. Volunteer for the org, not him. And get a life. Nurture the friendships I do have. Keep going to classes that interest me.

****, I do have a life. Its valid that I'm hurt by this.
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