Good morning Ralah,
I'm pretty new to this site and just catching up with your story.
I think you have been given good advice to this point but I would like to add a couple thoughts/suggestions.
First, the only thing in life that we can control is ourselves. We can't make others forgive us, but we can forgive ourselves.
No, it isn't always easy, it doesn't happen overnight, but it is possible. I'm living proof.
Suggestion one: If your husband won't go to couples counselling with you any longer, find a counselor for yourself. It took me a while, but I finally found one that helped me tremendously!
Suggestion two: Read two books that I find extremely helpful: The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck and Co-Dependent No More by Mellody Beattie..
Suggestion Three: Focus on yourself right now. Yes, I know that sounds selfish and is not easy to do. But, the bottom line is that if you aren't good for yourself, you won't be good for anyone else.

I hope maybe some of my drivel helps.

BOM