Going to the gynecologist as a passing trans man is one of the most uncomfortable experiences. Everyone is kinda like wary of you almost and don’t know how to respond to you. The nurse said to set my things down and I thought she meant to sit on the table. But she meant set my things down so I could get weighed. And I was super embarrassed because the lady at the desk was staring at me. I heard them laughing about the incident when she was done in the room with me. Then the doctor didn’t really do? Anything he briefly like for 3 seconds looked at a couple of my incisions. Not all of them. He asked how I was doing. Not how I was feeling though. I had told the nurse about the burning I was having and the doctor said it could either be a UTI or a yeast infection. So he said he’ll prescribe a one pill thing. Then I’d have to give a urine sample. But he was just like in and out super fast I didn’t have a chance to tell him how happy I was with the surgery or anything because he was in such a rush to leave. So I gave a urine sample and then I left and I am at home in bed because it was just a super uncomfortable experience. I did get some shopping done earlier and I felt kinda self conscious because I felt like my pants were too tight and people could see that I was trans. Plus they really were too tight and were digging into me and I was uncomfortable physically as well. So I came home and changed into gym shorts and I took a Valium. I had taken one before we left for the doctor. And I’m just trying to rewind and clear my mind now.

But literally every time I go to the gynecologist there’s some pain or embarrassment or both happening. I see him for the last time in 4 weeks. Then my mom told me I’ll never have to go to the gynecologist again.

It wasn’t a total waste of a day. I did find all the new candy that just came out and one of the new Pepsi’s in cases. I got my pumpkin air freshener too. I couldn’t find the pumpkin spice ramen though. I hope everyone at the doctors has forgotten about me by now.

I have not had a decent meal since Tuesday. So I may just be super hangry. My mom is picking up some Chinese food for lunch.