the rearch is right i think... a close bond with a T is very healing and in some types of therapy it is considered essential .. like schema, which is what i'm doing. i like my T tremendously... he's a likable guy
but in all honesty... in my very fisrt appt with him he asked me what i thought was necessary for us to work together. i was "shopping" for a T and we both were trying to assess the possibilities. The first thing out of my face was " you have to like me." No ********. Later, a few months in, I directly asked him if he liked me.. i thought he did and i liked him.. he said "some therapists would say i'm not supposed to tell you this, but yes, i do like you. You have some fine qualities that's for sure." i felt on top of the world. It is nice to be liked and to hear that.
so.. if you seek approval, that isn't a bad thing.. it is where you are and it is an issue you face. If you do it with T, then likely you do it in other places in your life and that could present problems.. so you need to face it with T. It is a problem you recognize... that is a tremendously good start.
most of us.. the problems we face, even those who do not have a history of abuse.. the development of these issues began with our family environment in one form or another.. and for many/most of us, some sort of parental bond gets transferred onto T... having a parent dislike you would be damaging.. and i think having a T dislike you would be as significant. But it depends on T's behaviour, whether the dislike is apparent or not, and just what issues you are working on. Seeking short term treatment for a fear of heights would have a less important "like/dislike" component than say, long term treatment for trauma.
i don't think my T would take on a client whom he disliked. i seriously don't. i think it can, potentially at least, interfere with the "team" effort. In schema, and i suppose other sorts, they call it the therapeutic alliance.. you bond, internalize the T, and face the challenges together. i have to feel like he is there and is not afraid of me. i would focus on just what about me he disliked if that were the case.
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