I am in a situation very similar to the one you describe. Sadly I haven't found any solutions although I am doing trial and error experiments suggested by famous cognitive behavioral psychologists.

CBT has helped me enormously, I can't overstate how much it has helped.

Ironically, face to face psychotherapy with CBT practitioners didn't help me. I was most helped by reading books by famous cognitive psychologists.

Some were self-help books. Some were books written by CBT therapists as handbooks for other CBT therapists.

One thing that helps me is having a mission in life.

My mission is trying to help people who suffer from depression. This goal focuses my energies. It is sort my overriding ultimate concern.

I've read many books about Holocaust rescuers. I was surprised to fine that these people had far from ideal lives. Often they failed in their careers and relationships. Often they were misunderstood and mistreated by others. Many had bad habits.

But none of them are really known by these things. They are known and appreciated as living heroic lives because they tried to help people and actually did help people.

I think part of having a mission in life is being able to be patient with oneself, letting lower priority things not bring one down when they are not successful.

I have certainly had my share of failures in life at the career level . . . at the personal level. But I try to plug along and be helpful to others. This gives me a reason to get up in the morning.

One thing I have learned is that there are problems and there are PROBLEMS. There are failures and there are FAILURES.

For example, a couple of men in the last 100 years caused the destruction of tens of millions of men, women and children through campaigns of genocide and forced starvation. I am thinking of people like Hiter and Stalin.

It is common when one is having a problem or even failing at something to feel pretty bad. But I think having perspective is helpful. Is one's problem or lack of success causing the destruction of tens of millions of people? Of millions of people? Of hundreds of thousands of people? Of tens of thousands of people? Of thousands of people? No.

Sometimes when he are feeling badly we can lose perspective and feel a sense of regret or shame or guilt or anxiety that is not in proportion to what is really happening in our lives.

A young student once told me that she was "a complete failure" and a "waste of oxygen." When I asked her why she told me that it was because she did not get straight A's on her report card.

Clearly her breadth and depth of guilt and sorrow were excessive. Maybe failing to get all A's in school is not a good thing, but it not like causing genocide.

I knew a man who had a really rough life. People did him wrong. And he often wronged himself. But he a little purpose. Each day he would feed birds or leave bread by an ant hill.

Most of us walk around oblivious to creatures like ants. We walk carelessly and snuff out their little lives. Here is a man who shows love to the little ants. It is a beautiful thing.

He has himself a mission. And it seems to really help him with all the problems that assail and burden him. And it engenders some bit of goodness in the world.

I don't know if this kind of thing would be helpful to others, but it helps me.

You sound like a wonderful person and I hope you find something that helps you! So sorry I do not really know how to be helpful in this.

Maybe other members here with more wisdom and experience will share their ideas with you. I hope so! Thank you for your post!