Everyone, please give me all of the advice because I am so not good at relationships.... Sorry the post is so long, hope you stay with me...

So been seeing a guy for a year now, broke up today.. yay... Not.

I'll admit when we met we were "partying" a lot and there was more than the green stuff being had... I just kinda lost my mama so yeah I did over indulge and have a bit of a "moment" - during those first few months I did lie to him about my use because I was ashamed... I didn't do anything but that and it took us a while to get through it but he stuck around.

Although he did stick around... He would be so erratic like one day love love love and then I wake up to him kicking me out - over and over and over again... But he kept coming back ya know and I wanted him too.. I did get off everything but weed and did anything and everything to earn the trust and be what he wanted or needed while together... But still, something makes him mad and that's it, all over red Rover. He would always tell me how **** I was for leaving when he told me to like ummm what?

During the weeks and days we did fight and break up I found out he'd been messaging girls, asking to go down on them and sometimes even being kinda sweet... Kick in the teeth - the day before my birthday and the day before Valentine's Day. So I'm well aware while we were not technically together, we acted like it, said I love you and had conversations about how we didn't want the other ****ing around.

So when I confront him, he says "I didn't do anything wrong, I didn't cheat, we were not a couple", not blinking an eye... **** alright but you were telling me how you were gonna sweep me off my feet on V day and treat me like a Q on my bday... Piss off. But no, never changed his mind there and apparently didn't eat *****es out 🙄

Anyway silly me cops it cause he's always telling me it's my fault for lying about a drug addiction, like he's got a free pass forever. And I thought the rollercoaster break ups would stop after some time of stability... Nope...

This is the fight that made us break up -
At the pub playing pool having fun, I said let's go find good but not McDonalds. He suggests a 25 min drive to the city for basic at pizza/kebab, where all the teeny boppers are clubbing and I'm like no, that's a joke and I don't like the valley. So I take a few steps out of the pub, turn round and he's like uber is on its way 😑 righto... I say nothing and go to the stupid city, don't eat because I said I didn't want to. Not be thrilled while walking the streets at midnight with off chops idiots, ask to go home... And he's acting ****** while he calls the uber again. I ask what's up and he's like "well nights over, glad we came here for nothing." Of course I call him on it, and he says to me on the most condescending voice "AS IF I WOULD HAVE COME HERE IF YOU HAD HAVE SAID THAT, WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH YOU" I'm kinda over the conflicts now so I just walk away stunned and crying. And a huge argument follows because he is always doing this... Asks me what or how much I want to eat if he cooks but gives me what he wants me to eat and is offended if I don't or can't eat it..

Over the time he has called me horrendous things like a homeless bag of rags that nobody will want... Told me all the reasons he doesn't wanna be with me... I don't want to think about the rest but its way worse.

I got pregnant recently to him and he harrassed me saying I'd be a piece of **** mum that would never see the baby if I kept it because he'd make sure of it... In similar words... So baby is no longer here 😕 and he talks about kids in his future but I'm kinda not there... I say loving things and he's like thanks..

And now we are over but he's still trying to drag it on.. please tell me I'm not ****ing insane and this should be over for good cause I dunno... I can't tell if it's me or not...