Good morning,

This will be a long post...I appreciate any who read.

I have a situation I'm having a hard time figuring out and could use any thoughts, ideas, any of you can provide.

In my introduction I stated that I have three failed marriages...that I'm still legally married to my last wife, but we haven't lived together for the last 5 years. There wasn't any intimacy in the relationship for at least 5 years prior to my moving out. We had separate bedrooms. I can honestly say that though I'm far from perfect, I never cheated, never physically abused her, never verbally abused her, didn't drink to excess, and always held a steady job. I fully support her today financially.

Shortly after I moved out 5 years ago I reconnected with a lady who used to work for me. I always thought we had a connection and I wanted to see where that might lead. Things went well as long as I kept things just friends--till I told this lady I wanted to get to know her better, at which point she blew up, and ended contact. Well that was a kick in the balls!

I didn't pursue any other relationships for another 2.5 or three years. I had a short romance right before COVID, but COVID and other issues ended that.

I don't really have any close friends. I do have work acquaintances, but that is not really the same thing, at least not to me. Most of the people I associate with at work, work for me.

Anyway, last Spring, I decided I really wanted to find a connection, a friend, someone who I could just be me with and be accepted. I went to a dating site and started looking around. I didn't have a public profile, but the one I used when I tried to contact someone was blatantly honest. I was up front about my three failed marriages, my current legally married situation, the fact that I don't plan to ever get married again, that I wasn't looking to move in with anyone, and didn't want anyone to move in with me. That I was looking for a friend, a connection and the only thing I would promise was blunt honesty.

Well, much to my surprise, I connected with a lady. I'll just call her T. T was at the end of a very ugly, drawn out divorce process that had been going on for over two years. She has a son who just recently turned 5.

She and I started slowly chatting through the site, then at her request we went to texts...she didn't want to talk on the phone or meet yet. That was ok with me, I wasn't in a hurry. As things progressed we got to a point where we were texting multiple times a day and sometimes had marathon text sessions at night. I learned that one of the main reasons she couldn't talk on the phone was that her mother was with here at this point and a true busy body. T just didn't want her mom spying on her and causing problems. T is a very private person and really didn't want her mom in her business. Yes, I have verified her mother was really there.

So, we get close in our texts, there really isn't anything we didn't talk about. We both agreed that we wanted to meet and see if the connection was as real. in real life as it was in the virtual world. But the timing was off. As I said, T was in the final week of a long drawn out divorce, she was trying to get ready to move, she had her son to take care of, her busy body mom was with her, etc. etc.

During our conversations she told me that her primary desire was to be able to stay here in CO, but that she was afraid she would have to move back to FL where her family was due to financial constraints, etc. I obviously wanted her to stay here, even offered to help her financially for awhile if that would help, but tried to NOT push her in one direction or the other. Told her she had to do what was best for her and her son. Ultimately, she decided she would be better off moving to FL where she had a place to stay with her sister for awhile, family around to help, and could be away from her ex who is as near as I can tell a complete piece of chit.

We did finally have the chance to go out to dinner a couple days before she flew to FL. It was the most comfortable, amazing time I have ever had on a date. She agrees.

Fast forward to her move to FL. She is swamped with setting up a new life, getting son into kindergarden, still dealing with legal stuff, etc. And, as it turns out her family who promised help, have been anything but.

We continued to text and talked on the phone occasionally. The connection was still there and ultimately she wanted to move back to CO. On Aug 28th she called me late at night, we talked for 3 hours. During that convo, she and I agreed that we really wanted to spend time together, that we both wanted to be in an exclusive relationship and even made plans for me to fly her out here for a visit within the next couple weeks...even picked the weekend we thought would work for both of us.

I was on Cloud 9. I had met someone I found very attractive, someone who I could be completely honest with, someone who accepted me just for me.

Then everything, all of a sudden changed. When I tried to confirm our weekend so that I could buy tickets, she informed me it was no longer going to work that weekend, that we would have to find a new one. After that, communication from her end drastically slowed down. When I asked her about it she said she was overwhelmed with everything on her plate, her ex was filing continuous legal actions, her ex-inlaws were being a real pain, her sister (who she moved in with) was being a pain, her family wasn't helping etc. She assured me that she hadn't met anyone else, yes I asked, but that she just needed time.

Around the second week in Sept I took a road trip to IN to see my family. She basically went silent the whole time I was on the road. If I heard from her at all it was a one liner saying she and her son were ok, just busy, overwhelmed and tired. I tried to be patient, not one of my stronger points, till I got home. Once I as back home I reached out and got no response. The next day I texted and called, and told her that if I didn't hear from her I would look her sister up and contact her. All I wanted to know was that T and her son were ok. Well, that kinda pissed her off, me saying I would look her sister up. She said if I was to do that it would really piss her sister off, she was afraid her sister would kick her out, etc. She also stated that she really needed me to understand. That she would talk about the future with me, but it had to be on her time, when she was ready and that she really wanted me to not add pressure or stress. I promised her I would not add pressure or stress and have stuck to that to this point.

We have maintained limited contact...I have asked no questions other than how she is doing. I haven't pushed for anything else, trying to be true to my promise. In this time, she no longer references "us" or that she wants to spend time with me or even that there is an "us".

I've been very patient. I knew her ex had a week long visit with T's son this month. Hoping against hope, I sent her a text asking if there was any possibility that I could fly her out here for a visit. She thanked me for the invite, but declined saying she needed to take care of several medical appointments, focus on school, get a car of her own, etc, and all of that would be easier when she didn't have her son to take care of. I agree all of that is easier when she doesn't have to take care of her son, but it is still a let down.

So, I'm frustrated, confused, and kinda lost. This woman has never lied to me, never asked me for anything (money, etc.) and I know we had a VERY strong connection. I have maintained my promise and not pushed...but that is getting harder and harder to do. Its now been six weeks since we really had a good conversation.

One part of me says she is trying to let me down easy and I should just let it go. The other says yeah, but at my age, this is likely the last dance for me, and I need to fight for it till there is no fight left.

Any thoughts, ideas, insights any of you might have will be greatly appreciated.

If you have questions, ask. I'm pretty much an open book.

BOM