I've realized at this stage in my life how important it is to accept people for who they are. I'm not saying to excuse hurtful, abusive, or bad behavior. Let me try to explain what I mean.

Last weekend I did an outing with my parents, we went to a beautiful place in the mountains. Before leaving, however, my mom was having a fit because my dad hadn't prepared this or that correctly, because my dad had forgotten to do something, and it got to a point she was snapping at him and constantly, rudely, and meanly demeaning everything he was doing. I lost it. I blew up. I admit I should have calmly walked away but I lost my cool because of how she was treating my dad.

I told her with a lot of inappropriate swearing that I wasn't going, that if she was going to behave like this? I was DONE. And left.

Later she came in and apologized, said she was stressed out and had calmed down now, and invited me to go again. I was making tea, so I looked at her calmly, and explained, "Yes, I know you were stressed out but that wasn't okay, I can't handle you acting that way. I can't handle you being stressed like that." She began to explain it was my dad's fault. And I shook my head and told her something I've never told her before, "I believe my dad is on the autism spectrum. He doesn't mean to do what he does, it's not his fault. You can't continue treating him like that."

My dad can drive me crazy too, but I've learned to recognize a lot of his behaviors look like autism. Sometimes people are who they are and it's beyond their control, they can't help being who God, Fate, Nature...whatever, made them to be. Some people have disabilities, some people are just different, and that's who they are. A lot of people have expectations and needs, wants, and demands to be met. And sometimes they are impossible because there are things about ourselves, no matter what we try, we simply can't change. There are some things people can't change about themselves.

I can't change I have a mildly impaired memory.
I can't change I have mental illnesses.
I can't change I have an autoimmune disease.
I can't change my height.
I can't change the fact I was born in a female body but identify more as male.
I can't change that I'm attracted to men and women.
I can't change my IQ.
I can't change the past.
I can't change my age or the aging process.

I think the first step toward accepting others, is accepting yourself. If you can meet them with compassion if you can understand them and meet them at their level and invite them to meet you at yours...When you can love yourself despite any flaws and imperfections. I think a lot of issues with relationships would resolve themselves.