I am so very, very sorry that happened to you.

Relationships are tough. One can only provide half of what goes on in a relationship. The other person has to provide the other half. When things do not go well, half the responsibility must be the other person's. No one can be 100% responsible for what happens in a relationship. Here is the reason . . .

Even if one person, say, makes a mistake, the other person can choose how to respond. One can be merciless or merciful, unforgiving or forgiving, tolerant or mean.

To be merciless is a mistake too and sometimes a character flaw.

Another thing to consider is that people have expectations for each other and often these are unrealistic. Sometimes we "expect" someone close to us to be perfect or nearly so. That is an unrealistic expectation.

Only an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-wise, and all powerful Infinite Being could be perfect. So expecting perfection of a finite human being is unrealistic and if one does it all the time, can be a character flaw.

So before you beat yourself up over what happened, maybe you would like to ask yourself if perhaps your husband has unrealistic expectations concerning you. And you might also want to ask yourself whether his "choice" to react angrily and mercilessly isn't his decision and his responsibility.

"Perfectionism" whether imposed on oneself or imposed on one by others often causes depressed feelings and moods.

Sometimes people over-react to things or their responses are excessive. I know I do. I often respond disproportionately to events.

A couple of men in the last 100 years caused the destruction of tens of millions of men, women and children through genocide and campaigns of forced starvation. Now that is really bad. That is something one could be really angry about.

What did you do in the situation you describe? Did you cause the destruction of tens of millions of people? No. Did you cause the destruction of millions of people? No. Did you cause the destruction of hundreds of thousands of people? No. Tens of thousands, thousands, hundreds . . . No. I'm not sure you even made a mistake, but if you did it was far, far, far, far, far less serious than the mistakes of people like Hitler and Stalin! So please go easy on yoursef.

I wish I knew what to say to ease the suffering you are going through. You are a good person. You do countless good and sweet things each day. You deserve to be treasured not scorned. I hope your husband calms down and realizes how many good and wonderful things there are about you. You deserve that.

Sorry I could not be helpful to you. Hopefully others here will be prove helpful.