Hi Everyone - I am new here. I didn't see a forum for domestic abuse so I came here.

I will try to make this brief with as many facts as possible.

I am 47. Female, I have 2 sons that are young adults now.

I started a new relationship in late 2019 and through this relationship, he has been up front with me about his past, who is is now, he is consistent, he shows up, he keeps his word. He has exes involved in his life as he has 3 daughters.

Why am i here if he is so great? Well in 2014 I decided I needed to work on myself and stop making bad decisions so I stopped dating and started working on myself and opening my eyes to see people for who they truly are, good and bad.

I decided years later to try dating again. Again i chose the wrong person.... i broke up with him quickly and he couldnt understand why. shaking my head, he is a narcissist and I seen the signs so quickly and I also seen who I was and how much I give. Well Im not the one who needs to change right? So here I am, having trust issues with my man and severely.

A little history on past relationships, I was married twice. Once when I was 19 and again when I was 27. I was so in love with my 2nd husband. I understand where I went wrong there and from his side, he was an abuser. Not so much physical, only if I started it and that was like twice. But emotionally and mentally. He also has abused and abandonded our son. Abandoned I say because he never did get his **** together and be a real man for his son.

Anyhow I am really dealing with trust issues in my current relationship and I am on the verge of self sabatoging the relationship. Hhe said to me last week that I am holding him accountable for my past. His situation is complex so it triggers me. So I told him that I am also paying for his past. Cause really I am. For whatever trauma he has caused other women, he now is really cautious and takes things extremely slow, which I am seeing is ok, however I am triggered with these trust issues.

You name it, my ex did it. He did not beat me though, he did not hit me either. He cheated, he was on drugs, he lied, he was a criminal, he didn't like my older son who was not his. oh there is so much more that I just dont want to bring up. When we fought, I would kick him out and then he would not talk to me for months. he wouldnt even see our son. Then he would call or show up all of a sudden and we would be back together. This went on for years. Each time, I broke a little more until I had no more, got support for loved ones of those on drugs, became stronger and left him for good. We divorced in 2007.


I need to heal from the trauma the relationship caused me.


I need input on how to heal the trauma and move forward with out the thoughts that my current man is doing the same thing. we have been growing together, we are supportive of each other. He has been such a positive person in my life. He lives joyfully and makes it an effort to focus on the positive in life, even using positive terminology when talking. Words are everything he says.


Any input is welcome. Thank you in advance.