Being consumed by fear is awful. I have struggled with it all my life but things are not so bad for me right now. My heart goes out to you! I hope you can find ways to free yourself of your fears so you can have peace of mind and joy of living! So sorry I do not know how to help. But I am a fellow struggler myself. The only things that have helped me are medication and Cognitive Behavior Therapy self-help books.

I think you are good person. There are so many things to treasure you for.