Dear Ex T,

So, now I'm nervous. Potential New T asked what I needed today, from a possible goodbye meeting with you. I couldn't really answer at the time, but it dawned on me driving to the gym that I do need you to hear my anger as t how this was handled.

I'm not angry at you for having to leave. Not at all. I'm angry because you didn't have a plan in place, despite my asking twice over the years what would happen if the worst happened to you.

I'm angry because I have since learnt that a 'therapy will' is a very common thing, and something that most therpsits should/would have in place.

I'm angry at your supervisor for not ensuring that you had one and I am angry that I was just left to fend for myself. Again.

And I need you to hear that, to understand that, to accept it was wrong, to apologise for that and to help me make a difference by broaching the subject with your supervisor.

And if you can't do that, then I need to accept that I won't get the closure that I deserve here. Sure, I could come, and I could try to be all the good and positive things, but that wouldn't be being true to myself. That wouldn't be being authentic, and it is vitally important to me to allow all elements of myself, not to deny any of my feelings, with you.

But I am worried, as I said in my email. I am worried and scared and confused and uncertain and angry and sad and all sorts of other things besides.

I love you so much, and yet I am terrified of how you will be about all of this.