They would support me but still remain her friend and support her. Which, I didn't understand. I found out some of them were sharing screenshots of my conversations with them to her. She knew about things she shouldn't have that I confided in private confidence. The community is toxic in a sense that there are no repercussions for toxic behavior, abuse, or bullying. The mentality, "Well, it didn't happen to me so I still like this person. I'm not involved and I will be friends with her if I want to." Which is fine. But how can they say they love me and care about me so much, after seeing what I showed them of how she treated me, and still want to be a friend of that person? What I went through was bad. As in, she was causing me to have nightmares. A lot of them backstabbed and betrayed me, people I'd know for years and trusted. So yeah, it's heartbreaking.

But I guess it is what it is. I've lost everyone I was close to. I no longer have close friends. After I shared things with a few of them they started to distance from me as if I was the problem. It just it what it is. I'll never understand how someone goes from "You are one of the most important people in my life." To "I found someone so much better and cooler so bye."

I'm slowly making peace with things. After leaving, my self-esteem has been improving. I'd like to go back someday, but not for a while. I need to heal, and I need to work on myself. I spent the last few years prioritizing other people in that community and doing all I could to help others. I think I deserve some time to focus on me for a change.