cinnamonson - You are right on the target. We both are healing from the past and he is willing to do this with me because I am willing to do it with him. At times I want to just run and he knows this about me. Yes life would be better off without being triggered or facing my traumas head on, but boy it would be lonely.

I honestly did not realize the trauma that sat in the back of my life until I met this man and he never left... he is consistent, so then any of those triggers, I at first was facing alone, keeping it all in, not communicating about any of it. I mean in the beggining when we were just friends, we both opened up about things and then I told him one day, "you know what I shared with you yesterday? well i went home and i felt ugly inside. Let's move forward from our pasts and not make them a regular discussion" He said ok, however I am glad you opened up to me and I dont look at you any differently.

I used to put men on pedestals including my current man. He noticed and we discussed it. After that I started seeing the real him that he was keeping hidden. Still a good man, but a hurt boy on the inside from his childhood and a hurting man who portrays so much strength but faces triggers as well.

One trigger for him that we learned together was when we have a disagreement of sort, he would pull away. We dont fight or yell, however disagreements can still cause some bitterness between a couple. Anyhow, he wouldnt talk to me for days until I would call him and say hey whats up, is your phone broken? We finally got to a point where I said listen, this is too much for me. I cannot feel this way for days just because I expressed myself to you. We need to discuss it, take a couple hours, hug it out, and get on with it. He agreed. When we sat down to talk, he said you know, I realize that i am triggered because in my past, a disagreement usually got big and then it we ended things for awhile out of anger. I understood him because that is how my marriage and the only relationship after my marriage went. Not healthy at all so we put a stop to that.

We encourage each other and also reassure each other when needed. I find I need more reassurance than he does and I dont want to be needy.... I know that is not attractive. Luckily he says I am the least needy person he knows.

Anyhow, those triggers, if you dont mind, I will come here when they happen so I can get help working through them.

I really appreciate your reply. I love your affirmation and I am going to use it.

There is this video of Oprah and what I took from it was similiar to what you wrote: scroll to October 10th oprahdaily.com/life/a37916046/oprah-uncertainty/[/url]