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Old Oct 19, 2021, 10:24 AM
Bill3 Bill3 is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,966
Quote:
It's just frustrating to know that no matter what CBT or DBT I try, I can't change. It's just not possible. And it's the reason my life is the way it is.
DBT is about change AND acceptance.

Both.

That is the "dialectic" of DBT: in order to change, we must first accept where we are.

Quote:
I'm really upset that I still let my emotions control my responses.
It might be helpful to review the mindfulness part of DBT.

It's nonjudgmental.

It looks nonjudgmentally at what happened.

To me, a more helpful response to an incident such as you describe will be something like this:

Quote:
[calm sigh] There I go again.

[calm sigh] Yep, that was another example of my emotions taking charge.

[calm sigh] What I should have done was checked with my neighbor.

I will try again next time.
Notice in the above there is no judgment of self, no self-condemnation, no catastrophizing.

There is simply a nonjudgmental acknowledgement of what happened.

This nonjudgmental, accepting approach allows your brain to process what happened and to better prepare for next time.

I predict that if you review, take, and stick with the mindful, nonjudgmental approach of DBT, you will see improvement.

Not today, not tomorrow, but over time.
Hugs from:
SprinkL3
Thanks for this!
RoxanneToto, SprinkL3