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It's just frustrating to know that no matter what CBT or DBT I try, I can't change. It's just not possible. And it's the reason my life is the way it is.
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DBT is about change AND acceptance.
Both.
That is the "dialectic" of DBT: in order to change, we must first accept where we are.
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I'm really upset that I still let my emotions control my responses.
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It might be helpful to review the mindfulness part of DBT.
It's
nonjudgmental.
It looks nonjudgmentally at what happened.
To me, a more helpful response to an incident such as you describe will be something like this:
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[calm sigh] There I go again.
[calm sigh] Yep, that was another example of my emotions taking charge.
[calm sigh] What I should have done was checked with my neighbor.
I will try again next time.
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Notice in the above there is no judgment of self, no self-condemnation, no catastrophizing.
There is simply a nonjudgmental acknowledgement of what happened.
This nonjudgmental, accepting approach allows your brain to process what happened and to better prepare for next time.
I predict that if you review, take, and stick with the mindful, nonjudgmental approach of DBT, you will see improvement.
Not today, not tomorrow, but over time.