Clover,
When I first replied, you hadn't mentioned the 13 yr old or the situation with this child.

LizardLady is right in this regard. I agree that you are to be commended for wanting to be there for and help this child.

You seem to know your relationship with the Child's Father is dysfunctional at best. That is a start.

My recommendation at this point would be to seek some family counseling involving all three of you. I'm guessing the child's father will resist.

Maybe you and the child an go. The child certainly needs some counseling in my opinion...even if he has to go alone.

BOM