Sandy,

I struggle with being alone and having very few trustworthy people to offer me rides once or twice a year to get a vaccine (flu vaccine or booster, in the current year). I'm still waiting on boosters to come available for my high-risk group so that I can get my flu and booster done in one day). I don't know if one of the three people I know will be available, or if I will have to walk it alone to and from for a mile one way and a mile back, but I am trying to prepare for all of the above.

I've been isolated for over 18 months, and I have no windows in my bedroom. It feels like I'm on house arrest. When this pandemic first started, and I was indoors on lockdown, I was scared because I didn't know what to expect. I feared a home invasion, and my PTSD was through the roof. It may not be the same as psychosis, or perhaps it was the possible beginnings of it, but I was having some really horrible intrusive thoughts about all the what-ifs. I called the crisis lines every day - sometimes multiple times in a day. I reached out to whatever friends were available by phone.

I know this is hard for you. It's not easy when someone isn't available. I try to find more than one safe person locally to lean on. Some may be more safe than others, but they are still safer than no one at all. I think I have about three safe people, or maybe really two. It's easier than putting all the pressure on just one person to be our go-to person in time of need. That would be hard for anyone to handle, I think. I try to help out where I can, though I don't have a car and I've gotten too many limitations. I try to offer something in return, but the few kind souls that I know don't want anything in return. They're just not as available as single people though, since they have families or other engagements.

Your friend sounds like a good friend for being honest. If your friend is willing to still be your friend, you could ask your friend how much time they are willing to offer you a month, and then maybe what you could do in return so that it's not just a one-sided friendship?? That's one thought. Another thought could be to ask your trusted friend if they know of anyone else trustworthy, so that you're not putting all the pressure on them to help you? The more people you can build trusting relationships, the better. It may be scary, but you can maybe write a safe list of qualities that you find safe in the new people you meet. You can use that list as your boundaries list for the people you feel safest with. If your friend is inundated with work, you can try your local online or in-person mutual aid groups, as they are likely to find someone to help you - financially, with rides, with a weekly check-in, with safety needs, etc. Do a google search of "mutual aid" with your state or city in the search box, and then see what pops up. They often have groups on Facebook or elsewhere, or sometimes they have a designated website.

Hang in there. I know it's scary, but you can get through this.

If you are in the U.S., you can ask for additional support through either 211 or 311, depending on your jurisdiction. They can offer the number to specific resources in your area for whatever your needs are. You can explain that you need a mutual aid group for assistance with things like rides with safe people, or friendships offered to check in on you once in a while, etc. You can also explain that you might need a local warm line or hotline to call when you're feeling anxious. These are all resources that you can try out in the comforts of your safe space at home.

Medications might also be helpful, if you can contact a psychiatrist to do an assessment online or in person. That might help you cope with the symptoms you've described.