I am a stepparent of two and my daughter has stepparents, both stepfather and stepmother. I am also a step grandparent. So I have full understanding of what that entails. At no point I am clueless about that.

My stepkids have no mother and when she was still alive, they were estranged. So I understand emotional bond and situation with troubled parents but you also need to be realistic.

People go as far as suggesting you take this child with you. You have no custodial or even visitation rights. If he leaves you today, you’ll only see the child if he allows it. Going by how selfish your boyfriend is and how he is using you, you’d likely never see that child.

I do understand how honorable all this is but let’s not be too gullible and idealistic. There is no “WE have the child”. He and his ex had him. Yes the mother has mental illness, it doesn’t make her not his mother. You said she abandoned him. But then you said she rarely sees him. Seeing a parent rarely versus being abandoned by a parent, I am not sure that’s the same thing. It is not. Did she lose parental rights? Sometimes kids reconnect with the problem parent later. Heck people reconnect with parents who gave them up for adoption!

Also whenever people stay for the sake of the children, they teach their children what’s acceptable and how to conduct relationships. It might seem that kid doesn’t know. But kids always do. If he is a boy, he is learning how to use women and. treat women as sugar mamas. If she is a girl, she is learning what treatment is ok to accept. Kids learn what they live. Then they repeat the cycle

Of course you could stay with this man. But be mindful of true reasons behind allowing people to use you. Good luck