ouch... there is some tough love here.

Please know that my counselor is amazing. I have been with her for over 2 years and she has nurtured a lot of self-discovery while at the same time challenging me to better advocate for myself. She is an absolute professional with a stellar reputation in our community.

With regard to my stepson's mother, I believe I stated that she "basically abandoned" him. She moved to an adjacent state to pursue a new relationship almost 2 years ago and did not tell her son that she was leaving the home he grew up in. When she moved, my stepson had been living with us full time because of his mother's mental and physical health issues, compounded by a DUI and an inability to maintain employment. He does see her occasionally, maybe once a month for an overnight, as she has returned to our state and lives about 30 minutes away. Legally, she still shares custody with his father. I realize that I have no actual rights to this child, despite having raised him. I do believe that no matter what, my partner will honor the bond we share and that I will always have a place in his life. My stepson is a very old soul and has wisdom beyond his years. He has more emotional intelligence and integrity than either of his biological parents and is a highly intuitive, intelligent, and thoughtful young man. It has been a tremendous privilege to raise him and watch him grow. Honestly, there is not a person in this world who has spent more time with him than me, as even when he went back and forth between his mother's home and ours, his mother was too busy with her own nonsense to truly be present with him. I know that he loves her and cares about her, but he is so much more mature than she is, and honestly, she knows very little about him at this point in his development.

All this being said, I do have concerns about what will happen with my stepson if we choose to end our relationship. I have reasonable confidence that I will still be a constant in his life if, for no other reason than his father is always at work, his mother can't handle the responsibility, and I am able and willing to continue in my role whether we live together or not. Will it break my heart to lose what we have? absolutely - but he is 13, and he would have a say in what happens. My partner is not a terrible person - he clearly has some issues, but when it comes to his children, he tends to make sure their wants and needs come first (often to a fault).

Relationships are challenging. Parenting is challenging. I can only control my own choices and be mindful of my own intentions. It is an unsettling time, but I am not frightened. My parents and my sister have been wonderfully supportive, and honestly, I can say the same about my partner's family. I do pray that he will seek support for his issues. I have been clear with him that I cannot overcome his childhood and his current anger for him - the work has to be his work.

Thank you again for your support and advocacy.