First session with Potential New T on the other hand was a disaster. A bigger room, and actually one that I have been in before with another counsellor. It's at a shared venue. It's nice enough, and we meet earlier, so actually it's quieter around the place which is good for me. I didn't like it before as there were too many people.

But the chairs were put over the other side of the room and I couldn't see a way to get there. So I just stopped when I went in and faced the wall in the corner. Oh dear. She started talking, I think asking where I had come from, had I driven (probably wondering how I was even let loose in a car!) What I did for work etc. It felt horrific. After 5 or 10 minutes I asked if she could close her eyes. She paused, and asked what happens if she says no. I said that I stay in the corner. She offered to leave the room instead, and so I found a way to sit down at least. She came back in and I don't remember much of the rest of the session. It was 90 minutes long and all I remember was her asking if I had filled in the assessment form. I said no... That I had tried but couldn't do it. She said she needed to take some information such as date of birth, address and doctors. I said ok and answered these, but then she went on to ask all of the questions on the form. Well, she would if I'd let her.

I really didn't feel comfortable telling her what I was telling her, so I asked why she needed to know these things. She said she needed to know a bit more about me to know if she could help me. Well, I wasn't satisfied with that answer, so I said something about not being at my pace even though she said it would be. Something about getting dragged on the fast train even though I wanted to still be at the station.

It was awful. I felt awful. Not a good start to our work at all.

I remember talking it through with Temp T and saying that I wasn't sure why I had even agreed to go back. Given what had happened and given how I found it. I said that there was something though, that meant I wanted to try again.