My wife left me just over a week ago. I am struggling to cope just day to day. I don't know what to do. I am so lonely especially in the evenings. I'm in the family home and whilst our eldest is at Uni, I have three teens here with me and I'm trying to maintain things. Whilst my wife and I have had some relationship issues, in my opinion we have never really done much about it, either between the two of us or getting external help. For her to get up and walk out without any talking without any trying to resolve things, after over 20 years, I find an insult to me. She is a great mother and a health professional, so whilst she knows betters she still dragged the three teens out of school on the day, and drove them about 150 miles away to be with her at her sisters. Only to return 2 days later. So much for not involving the kids and minimising the changes to their routine. The lack of any communication since is also hard to handle. I must have sent her 100 whatsapp messages asking for some information of any sort. I've tried to speak to her in person but she blocks be out and leaves the room (she is at a mutual friends at present). What is hard for me to accept is... well, all of it... yes we had issues but I took ownership of mine and I don't believe she did for her own. Added to this is a background for us both. I had a mental breakdown about 4 years ago. I have been a lot better for the last 2 years. I think she felt as if she moved from partner to carer and then could not go back. But there are issues she faces; also long term depression, we lost a child 17 years ago and although a year ago she acknowledged she had still not got over the bereavement and needed help, she never did anything about getting that help. The menopause hit her hard; yet no action to soften the effects so major mood swings. Plus it really made her unable to sleep properly so has not had a decent nights sleep for about 3 years. She works full time hours across a 4 days week. On her day off she also did extra shifts to do the covid injections at a local centre. So yes it was hectic lifestyle but one that had been chosen. We moved about 15 years ago to be about 200+ miles from both sets of parents and our siblings (aunts/uncles for kids) and so we have never had much by way of family support. So much so that we never had a honeymoon and never ever had even a night away from home together as we always had the children (one came along before we married). Additionally she has really suffered across covid... far from family and then blocked from visiting them for so long. Even her role became zoom based and she couldn't cope with the lack of people contact and had to get special permission to make changes to enable some human contact in an office (with social distancing) to help her cope with the stress and anxiety the virus created. So much of this I feel she has not taking into consideration, taken her own ownership for and as a result I feel that I've become the victim. I'm not sure if this is me only wishing to find an excuse. But I have taken ownership of my issues and been trying to address them and I've tried to involve her. She walked out, no explanation, no commication since, I feel I have caused the family to breakup. My own family background is not great and so it makes me want a truly great family and she knows this, so it hurts more to feel that I could be the cause of a broken home for my own children. I'm struggling with my emotions and as she is not talking or responding to messages I find I'm talking to the eldest at home, my daughter is 15. she is hearing too much of the wrong stuff (I'm not being critical of her mother), I'm just wanting information to help me process things, to help me to accept to help me to understand. One of few messages I have is this morning "I have found a house locally. I move in next week" (thats it). I have asked what she wants from our home and what she has in mind with regards to financials on a few occasions and yet I hear nothing. This adds uncertainty and worry to my situation. On my own I cannot afford to stay in this house on my income alone. I've not taken any legal advice as feel unable at present as until hearing that she has another house I was hoping to let things get calmer and then talk things over. I love her to bits and do not want to move on. Even if I get over this and were to find someone else as a true best friend and life partner, I know I would still be thinking I've failed first time around and let my kids down. I'm now 52 and feel I cannot get through this. I have made suicide plans. I have not told her as don't want to bribe her into returning. I have few people to support me. (my parents are 200 miles away and around 90 one with dementia so I can't even tell them what is happening.) I am just on the right side of the danger line for my own safety. I know I don't want to end my life and I know the impact on the children would be worse than the present situation. The worrying thing is that I now often think that is something that may just have to be as at least then I'm not here dealing with my emotions. One can see how this is a slippery slope and how things can get bad really quick. What advice support is there from you or others out there? what can I do? I think I'll now have to call someone to help me get out of this now low mood I'm in.#