BPforever,
I don't think it is a matter of you needing to be meaner,
But I do think. you need to focus on learning how to establish standards and boundaries.
When you meet a man, or anyone for that matter, if they violate those standards/boundaries you set, then you are probably better off without them in your life.
If you have a counselor, this might be something they can help you with.

Just my two cents worth....

BOM