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SprinkL3 · Oct 21, 2021, 03:58 PM

I used to be brave. I used to see dying as a part of life. I used to see serving your country and death being a possibility was something I could live with.

Years after my multiple betrayal traumas, I feared dying all the time. It's never stopped, even though I've attempted suicide twice in my lifetime. It's ironic to fear dying and to attempt in the past, but I did. I don't attempt anymore, but I have a lot of help nowadays.

Still, the fear of dying is there. It grows more and more as I age.

I'm 47 and have felt this fear about dying a traumatic death.

Possible trigger:

I fear being throat-raped with a ventilator. I fear hallucinating or being molested while in the ICU. I fear being beaten and strangled to death on the streets. I fear gasping for air or dealing with a massive heart attack while alone. I fear having a stroke while I'm cooking, and then dying by burning to death because I can't move due to the stroke. I fear driving and then having a stroke or heart attack and harming myself or others, and then dying a painful death that way. I fear the building where I live collapsing, and me dying with rubble all on top of me - reminding me of body memories and trauma triggers from being a sexual assault survivor from childhood and adulthood.

Yes, I can relate to feeling terrified of dying - especially dying while being terrorized in some way.

I fear dying alone, too.