I’ve been off for a few days, sort of depressed, anxious, and irritable. I believe it’s hormonal but if it hasn’t died down I do have an appt already with my pdoc on Tuesday so I’ll bring it up with her.

Work was an absolute s—-show today. Like unbelievable. It’s the first day since I’ve worked there that I actually didn’t want to be a part of it anymore, and not fit anything the students did (they were off the chain but that’s not the real problem).

The school is run by a hospital which in turn is run by a corporation. So the school is also considered a business that must be profitable. Therefore our “numbers are down” in terms of student enrollment and this is apparently a big issue. Which infuriates me, I do not think corporations with dollar signs for eyes should keep being allowed to take over independent hospitals. Even the one I’ve been inpatient in a dozen or so times is now incorporated into a large hospital conglomerate. That hospital was opened 100 years ago and has remained an independent entity for that whole time.

But I digress. The point is because of this we are accepting students who have no business being there AND need one to ones that we can’t supply because we have no staff. We’re now down 8 one to ones and another is about to leave for the police academy. Two new students in our room require one to ones. The first one shouldn’t be with us in the first place, she is autistic which is not a problem in and of itself but she is very low functioning, in terms of being able to process and recall information. She is also very aggressive. So day to day, even hour to hour she can’t remember her behavior plan and gets aggressive, like really aggressive. She tried to choke our staff member today. She needs a one to one desperately and surprise! We have no one. She should never have been accepted, at least without a staff member ready to go.

Three more girls started and immediately upset the apple cart in our room. The one barely ever comes to school so whatever but the other two are thick as thieves already, full of attitude and ready to stir up trouble. Again, that’s what we’re here for, no problem, but not in MY classroom. We are a clinical room. We are dealing with fragile students with fragile mental states. These two girls are not going to be nice to our needy students. They are going to talk and whisper and giggle behind the other students’ backs. Make fun of them. My student already gets paranoid when she thinks people are talking bad about her and most of the time it’s just part of her disorder but now they really WILL be talking about her and making fun of her. It’s going to turn into an us vs them situation very quickly, with the psych clinical girls getting hurt.

We’re going to bring our concerns to admin but I guarantee they’re just gonna turn up their hands and say deal with it. The two girls need to be split up. I don’t care who stays because they’re both nice on their own but they can’t stay together. Admin said they’re probably going to move the other girl but she’s not the issue, she only been in school four days since class started in September!

And on top of this we’re supposed to switch classrooms on Monday, which thank god bc the new one at least has room for everyone, but when exactly we’re we supposed to get it done? We’ve had pointless meetings after pointless meeting for WEEKS. This week we’ve had a meeting after school every day, and tomorrow we have yet another in service after school!!! And they expect us to be all moved in to the new room by Monday???? UGH it’s so infuriating!!!

Anyway that’s my rant…I have to say though the rage is a lot easier to deal with than the anxiety and looming depression for me. The rage feels powerful, not useless like depression.